“You Will Not Be Getting A Furby For Christmas Because”: Reasons Not To Buy A Furby
The concept and the face of the iconic Furby is sure to be permanently burned into the minds of any 90s child or parent but, unfortunately, the current revival and new models mean there is no escaping this toy this Christmas. Parents should stay strong and resist their child’s calls for this horrid toy and, if you are having trouble doing this, here are free helpful lines that could help you win this war.
#1 – You will not be getting a Furby for Christmas because…I believe I am a responsible parent when it comes to your education.
This first reason may not go down that well with kids but I think it is worth noting because Furby is so far removed from an educational toy that it is actually quite disturbing. The reliance on apps and tablets with the new Furby Boom is a direction that parents will not want to go in, particularly when one feature of the app is to make Furby go to the toilet. Your children deserve better than that this Christmas, don’t they? Oh, and there is also the grammar issue; Furbys is NOT the correct pluralization of Furby, Hasbro!
#2 – You will not be getting a Furby for Christmas because…there are already too many mouths to feed and I will not be held accountable for any Furblings.
The new concept of Furblings is one that is sure to make parents’ skin crawl because not only will there be a real live Furby in the house requiring love and attention, kids can also hatch out tiny versions and this means there are even more creatures to be passed on to parents or simply neglected out of frustration or boredom. This new Furby and its spawn are sure to suffer the same fate as older versions and Tamagotchis (thank god they are long dead and buried). There should be some kind of hotline or sanctuary with so many discarded and abused toys lying around but there isn’t and that is because of one crucial factor, one which leads us nicely to our third and ultimate reason for saying no to a Furby this Christmas.
#3 – You will not be getting a Furby this Christmas because…they were clearly created by the devil himself and are sure to give you nightmares.
It may sound hyperbolic to say that these little furry toys will undoubtedly give your child horrific nightmares but years of experience, and our own fears of this creepy critter, prove that it is true. There is nothing cute about these animals/aliens/demons, especially if you have the misfortune of seeing what lies beneath all the fur, but the new breed are even worse with their hypnotic LED eyes, apparent sentience and cruel demeanor. Apparently, these new Furbys (it is still so annoying to spell it that way) communicate with a high pitched tone that is inaudible to most humans. Why? What are they trying to hide from us?
Now, I am not saying that Hasbro are the devil but you have to question their allegiance when you look at some of their statements and the features they have included in the toy. The most unsettling of all is that there is no off switch on this thing, it is constantly awake and growing more and more intelligent as your little son or daughter tries to sleep soundly in the same room…what sick mind would neglect to add an off switch on a toy this creepy? Instead, Hasbro suggest that you “try” pulling its tail for 10 seconds to get it to shut up. This is disturbing for two reasons: firstly there is the slightly sadistic action (however satisfying it may sound) and secondly there is the word “try”, which suggests that Furby’s own creator doesn’t even know what to do. Additionally, the less said about the gremlin-esque warnings regarding getting them wet, the better.
#4 – You will not be getting a Furby this Christmas because…they will be spying on us
It is suspected that Furby can record things you say and even take videos through its eyes. You have no way of knowing what it is doing when you are not around! Remember… there is no off switch so once you buy one, they can do whatever they want at any time. And the way it looks at you….
Furby is the stuff of nightmares and a toy this creepy and detrimental to a child should be nowhere near the Christmas tree.
Hopefully this guide on why not to buy a Furby this Christmas has made a pretty convincing argument about just how unnecessary and disturbing this weird little critter really is. Just use one of the lines above and tell your kids what a Furby really gets up to at night – that should have them erasing them from their lists to Santa.
If all these Reasons Not To Buy A Furby fail, remain calm and use the classic “because I say so” line.